Be Inspired

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of being." 

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Thing That Is Life and Is Going Downhill

I have had several conversations this week with people I am consulting (I hate that term) professionally partnering with that have been expressing how they are discontent with their life. From my observation, they are actively watering a deep seeded belief that they will never be happy, never have a satisfying job, never find The One, and things will always be the way they are now (which is partially terrible) for the history of ever.

I approach these conversations with a great deal of compassion, warmth, and openness. I create space for people to feel safe and free to share anything and everything they would like completely judgment free. I give a lot of uh huh’s and yes, that makes sense on these calls. I also dig for the gold beneath the bullshit.

I stopped one gal, “So what do you gain from believing you will never ________?”

“What?” she replied.

“You gain some sort of dividend for holding to that belief. What is that about for you?”

Silence on the other line.

I find it convenient to determine what the future will be absolutely, and an unhappy future at that. It’s convenient for individuals who want an excuse to cozy up in a blanket of barbed wire otherwise known as good’ol victimization. (Heads up: this idea is offensive to people wanting to do just that.)

When we decide that the future is a specific way, and is going to definitively be a certain way, we eliminate any other option. Our ego is running the show with full force. It means we don’t have to take responsibility and ownership. We get to sit in our victimhood and disappointment and blame the world for being so terrible to us.

Look, I know that victim blanket as well as the next gal but it’s important for us to stop blaming circumstances for our reality and start creating a new one. Are you unhappy? Do something else. Is someone not treating you well? Leave.

Life is rarely worst-case scenario. Reality is we have an amazingly huge capacity to be happy and fulfilled in this life. You can create a different future for yourself. I believe in you. 

On Play, Teal Nail Polish, and Nashville

I have been reading over my past posts and thought one very specific thing: Umm... How about you lighten up a bit, Debbie Downer? (Also, post more. Note to self.)

Yes, life has thrown me some curve balls and some seasons have been tremendously rough. However, there is an abundance of beauty happening every second of every day if I look for it. If I want to see it. I am just at the brink of starting to learn how to approach life with a childlike sense of awe, wonder, fascination. Open eyed, open hearted.

The universe has a funny way of letting me know I’m on course with this stuff. For example, I wrote about how my word for 2014 is “play,” and the other day a friend had me pull an angel card (aka word of inspiration) from a bowl in her kitchen. The word is supposed to be yours, just for that day, as an inspiration and something to be mindful of.

Well, wouldn’t you know that nearly four months after New Years I pulled the word “play"?

Okay, Universe, I get it, I get it! Be open, be present, be grateful. That's the key.

The magic of life is right there, finding me in quite moments or in the midst of my daily routine...

I find it in tasting the BEST mac’n cheese (gluten-free even).

I find it in adult Easter egg hunts where we act like children and laughed late into the night.

I find it in teal nail polish and girly trimmings.

I find it in taking three carloads over to Goodwill and getting rid of things that weigh me down.

I find it in holding a fragile newborn baby whose parents are my friends.

I find it in a good book, a challenging TED talk, or informative podcast.

I find it on a hike through Fryman Canyon (where, incidentally, George Clooney’s house is).

I find it in shows like the Book of Mormon with fabulously talented tap dancing gay boys (er, men).

I find it in hummingbirds outside my dining room window in the early evening.

I found it in my trip to Nashville (even though the South is not the place for me and my hair does not fare well in humid weather conditions) last week where I get to explore the city, once again, with friends I haven’t seen in ages.

When your heart resides in a humble state and takes a few minutes to get quiet, it takes in so much more life. It enjoys to greater depths, laughs at higher frequencies and finds appreciation everything. Life is oh-so-rich and begging us to see love and joy in all its unique flair. Open up. Enjoy it all.

I Don't Climb Mountains, but......

My radio silence has been intentional, although I’ve severely missed writing here. There’s a lot going on in life right now and that simply requires me to sit and focus on what I need at any given moment. Chaos is the most important time for self-care. Some moments I need a nap, or food, or silence, or laughter. Some moments require tears; others require me to power down my phone and laptop to be fully present to myself for a night. This is how I live moment-to-moment in the present these days. This keeps the crazy at bay and allows for a lot of grace and perspective.

Through it all I am meditating daily on a story a friend told me about a guy who was determined to climb one of the most challenging mountain trails in the world. This feat would take training, intense preparation, and it would take him two weeks to get to the top. Regardless, he was determined. As he finally started out on his journey, alone yet prepared, he passed a hiker coming down the trail. It was the first person he had seen all day.

With pep still in his step and excitement still brimming within him, he stopped the experienced traveler and asked,

“What advice can you give me for making it to the top?”

The traveler replied,

“You have to realize it’s just walking. There will be wind, rain, scorching sun, the forces of nature. You will realize you’re alone, you’ve never felt more alone, and fear will set in. There will be moments you will feel like you cannot possibly take another stride. In those moments, remind yourself that it’s just one step in front of the other. Take one more step, then another step. That’s how you’ll make it to the top. It’s just walking.”

I am struck with the incredible beauty of that story. How often does life feel unmanageable and we want to hit the reset button,

or quit,

or run,

or hide,

or disappear until the emotional nuclear warfare is over?

There is nothing too big, no such thing as taking too much time, and no reason to feel angst. All of life is just walking, just taking the next stride. We do not need to sprint or rush or be better to feel better. We get to feel the exhaustion, catch our breath, hydrate and remind ourselves...

It’s just walking. 

Monday Redux

Ah, Mondays.

Some Mondays start the week off fantastically bright and brilliant; others can leave something to be desired. Some Mondays are like a train moving as fast as a bullet from a gun and heading toward something impenetrable. In those cases, you need a Monday Redux.

I recommend breakfast for dinner.

When conversations don’t seem to happen clearly and nothing goes right, you’re misunderstood, misrepresented, and feeling unsupported, and clients cut out on you at the last minute due to a death in the family, and you have to fill the gap with limited time and resources...

I recommend breakfast for dinner.

When your staff is in tears because they are stressed, people have to leave an important meeting early, intentionally mean emails are flowing into your inbox before the ripe hour of 10am, and daylight savings has robbed you of a sweet hour of sleep leaving you feeling sensitive and fragile...

I recommend breakfast for dinner.

When you don’t receive the support you need and ask for, a mandatory building evacuation happens at the height of your workday due to an unidentified object that leads (unarmed) security to wonder if it’s an explosive, and it causes you to miss eating lunch between a crammed day of meetings, and all of this leaves work undone that was due an hour ago...

I recommend breakfast for dinner.

When you roll your eyes at your boss because they unknowingly made things complicated for you and added two hours of clean up work to your plate, your main office receptionist has to leave work because he’s sick, you have an hour and a half meeting with an investigator over an important personal issue, and you’re coworker that you’re also friends with hugs you and says it’s going to be okay...

I recommend breakfast for dinner.

And when the love of your life is busy with work and you have no idea how you’re going to wake up tomorrow and do the whole thing all over again, it’s important to remember that sometimes we just have shit days. And you make breakfast for dinner.

Pour the mimosas, make a ricotta scramble, sizzle the honey bacon, devour sliced strawberries in Jack'n brown sugar sauce, and butter the (gluten-free) toast.

Have breakfast again.

Hit the internal restart button.

Monday Redux.

Brené Brown Has Ruined Me

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. – Brené Brown

..............................

 

I wrote last night. It’s been a long time since I carved out time from my full-time job and 2-hour+ daily commute to sit and do what I love. I expected it to be refreshing and rejuvenating. Some of it was. Then I popped around various blogs and online publications reading other works of communicative art. I wish I could say that I was filled with encouragement and insight... but the only insight I went to bed with was, “Everyone else is so talented. That’s not me.” I was riddled with comparison and envy and fear.

I woke up with an emotional hangover.

I sat outside on the patio with my coffee, feeling like the sun was way too warm for that hour of morning (which is typical in Los Angeles), and my head spun stories. It told me about all the ways I didn’t match up to my dreams.

Observing what was happening inside, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to pray, not reach for the TV remote or something to numb me from my self-made pain, and I needed to tell other people about what I was experiencing. A daunting task.

I texted...

Just have to share that I am really challenged with my “enoughness” today. Feels likes ocean waves sweeping over me of not being good enough, smallness, and insignificance. I’m sitting in it, trying to learn from it, trying to remind myself of the truth that I AM enough.

In the past, I believed sharing something that deep, that real, that honest would make me appear weak. Sometimes I still I feel like I would rather die than reveal the Grand Canyon that sits in my chest. Hold it together at all costs. Don’t cry in public. Impression management.

This is how Brené Brown has ruined me.

My head and my heart are often at war with each other, and the most powerful solution to healing that part of me that is screaming inside is to share it. I don’t lose anything; in fact, I gain dignity in sharing my truth. It is my fear that keeps me feeling small. Sharing the ache might not bring relief immediately but a lifestyle of vulnerability is a worthy, self-loving aim. (Right, Brené?)

Audacious, if I do say so myself. 

Staying Curious

There are few things more attractive to me than a genuinely curious question.

I’ve had a fantastic week of getting together with old friends, mentors, new friends, and talking about our lives over a good meal. Instead of allowing the to-do lists of things to get done, errands to run, and emails to respond to taking up my mental real estate, I’ve chosen to be present with these cherished individuals. Fully engaged in the moment. Eye contact, allowing my senses to feel everything the present moment had to offer.

I’m also asking questions that allow me to learn more about the other person no matter how long we've been in relationship together. Questions that inform me simply about who they are and what feeds them. I ask and I learn.

My favorite questions to ask others recently are:

What is your biggest current challenge?

And,

What is inspiring you?

I have been amazed to hear the responses. Some have been unexpected, and that’s a good thing. That helps me recognize again and again that I don’t ever really know what someone is facing unless I’m curious and ask without expectation or assumption of the response. It’s a choose your own adventure novel being written in real time. I’ve grown in my capacity to learn from their experiences. I’ve learned how to be a better friend in support of them. I’ve also been faced with my own challenges and inspirations.

A good question is a gift to everyone involved. Take advantage of it. You just might learn something.