I have had several conversations this week with people I am
consulting (I hate that term) professionally partnering
with that have been expressing how they are discontent with their life. From my
observation, they are actively watering a deep seeded belief that they will
never be happy, never have a satisfying job, never find The One, and things
will always be the way they are now (which is partially terrible) for the
history of ever.
I approach these conversations with a great deal of compassion, warmth, and openness. I create space for people to feel safe and free to share anything and everything they would like completely judgment free. I give a lot of uh huh’s and yes, that makes sense on these calls. I also dig for the gold beneath the bullshit.
I stopped one gal, “So what do you gain from believing you will never ________?”
“What?” she replied.
“You gain some sort of dividend for holding to that belief. What is that about for you?”
Silence on the other line.
I find it convenient to determine what the future will be absolutely, and an unhappy future at that. It’s convenient for individuals who want an excuse to cozy up in a blanket of barbed wire otherwise known as good’ol victimization. (Heads up: this idea is offensive to people wanting to do just that.)
When we decide that the future is a specific way, and is going to definitively be a certain way, we eliminate any other option. Our ego is running the show with full force. It means we don’t have to take responsibility and ownership. We get to sit in our victimhood and disappointment and blame the world for being so terrible to us.
Look, I know that victim blanket as well as the next gal but it’s important for us to stop blaming circumstances for our reality and start creating a new one. Are you unhappy? Do something else. Is someone not treating you well? Leave.
Life is rarely worst-case scenario. Reality is we have an amazingly huge capacity to be happy and fulfilled in this life. You can create a different future for yourself. I believe in you.